Now I know you all believe in one thing or another like god, or gods or cheese cake. But see I have a really hard time believing that there is a divine plan or someone that looks out for me if only I pray, run around naked in a cemetery or sacrifice kittens. Sometimes i just don’t know why anyone would believe in this crap. Is the 21st century so unpredictable and supernatural that we have to find alternative means of explaining our existence? Are we so desperate to find something to ground us to some mediocre existence that we need supernatural beings that shoot lightning out of their ass to look out for us? Do we really need to consider that our parents, grandparents and dead dog are looking down on us right before an act of self-gratifying masturbation? Honestly if that’s your idea of existence than you need to get your head checked and locked away for a few weeks with no food, water or warmth and see if god really saves you from your misery. Against all odds you should think about this: If he really exists than he went out of his way to make your life suck worse than it could in most cases and the only reason why you’re not in a wheelchair is because somebody always has to be worse of than you.
Now enough of my personal life and on to more important things. A week from now it’s March the 5th and you should know what that means! It’s the debut to Tim Burton’s latest wonder, Alice in Wonderland. Now if you’re a die hard fan of his work you’re probably excited as I am. That is I would be if I didn’t have genocidal tendencies for the past months building up. Sad to say if you’re a die hard fan you probably woke up earlier than I did and already took the good seats in the theatre before I could in which case you need to DIE NOW! So I guess my luck has run out in everything as usual but hopefully I’ll still get to see the movie on the 6th. If now, I’ll seriously need to hurt someone.
In closing kids,
remember that I hate….ah…..always use thick, plated armor as a flotation device when going swimming.